Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
Santa Clause just drove by me on a fire truck. Epic night begins.
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
There is pretty much a target on everyone's lips when I am drunk. EVERYONE
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
If he has a beard, chances are, that’s an open invitation to sit on his face
Randomize