i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I hope you get used to having plenty of sperm because you're never gonna get any.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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