Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
my sombrero is too big for the bathroom
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
There is nothing scarier than watching yourself breathe in the mirror while on shrooms.
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
i feel like ive seen the light, but not in the nasty christian way. thats gross. say no to jesus, kids
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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