lets hang out tonight and do stupid stuff.
Dating you for 6 months was stupid enough. But thanks.
I love hooters. This dumb bartender is saying how coffee dehydrates you so that's why she sometimes just eats the coffee grinds wake up.
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
you think the cum will come out of moms black shirt?
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
Lying on this bed is like lying on love and marshmallows and joy
I can pinpoint my loss of innocence as the moment I started masturbating with my teddy bears
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
Dude, just found out there's a monster in a video game named after me. No more dating nerds.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Operation: 12 Dick pics of Christmas was a sweeping success, thanks for asking!
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
Randomize
