The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
remember about an hour ago when i told you i was never drinking again? i may or may not be mixing malibu with caprisun. just saying.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
i hooked up with a boy reading dear john, i have to get points for that somewhere
no he gets major points for having a girl hookup with him after reading dear john
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
I had to carry you down because your legs weren't moving anymore but you were carrying the weights you stole from that guys room... and that's where the bruises came from.
they drunkenly created an obstacle course for the poor hamster and its ball.
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
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