I'm starting a business if you want to get involved
oh boy
Its called Cut N Tugs, haircuts with happy endings
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
his Mom's staying with him so he asked if I'd go over and fuck in his shed. he said "it's a really nice shed"
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Why does my car smell like burnt toast?
I take it you don't remember trying to make grilled cheese with your cigarette lighter...
Dentist appt at 2pm get milk poured on my tits by 2am
A marvelous 12 hours
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
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