not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
She's trying to figure out what kind of dinosaur I am... Yay codeine.
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
Somehow my drug dealer is stuck in my air-vent and now everything smells like patchouli, weed, deoderant and sweat.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
Showed up 15 minutes late and curtsied when I entered the door if that puts perspective to how my first day is going
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
You is single now. The world is your ass buffet.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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