My hair reeks of homosexuality.
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I guess you never know how much of an impact you have on someone until you sleep with their cousin
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
Someone fucked a stripper in their rental car, there is goddamn glitter everywhere.
woke up between a girl's legs. make your own conclusion.
Randomize
