dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
I told him that he could only go home with me if he didn't talk or tell me his name
I just found 3 condoms in my math textbook... in the probability section... Under dependent and independent events...
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You kicked in the door when she was blowing him. You dont remember do you?
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
She's echoing.. Her head must be in the toilet..
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
Well I was kicked out of the bar and woke up on a picnic table. I'd say the night was awesome!
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
I just offered a cat a "drinky drinky" I'd say my night has started
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
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