I swear to god I'm with a high end prostitute right now and shes the most interesting person I've ever met. She just took me in to share an evening.
And as an added bonus she seems to have gotten a blood stain out of my favorite t-shirt
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
He deserves to hear about your Vagina Shrooms
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
An old biker dude just flirted with me at Food City. I enjoyed it. God damn I need to get laid.
Just once I'd like to go out and not have to tell you to put your pants back on.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
