My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I envy you so much. I get girls who pee on my floor and you get girls who leave in the middle of the night
I'm sorry for coming into your work place and trying to smuggle you out in my purse.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i wish i had the videos of us pissing on him last night.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
The bar owner gave me permission to push people into the pool. I'm never going to leave Los Angeles
I should probably just look up vagina pictures in the anatomy textbook. That always cheers me up.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
Definitely went down on him last night while he was wearing a cape. He randomly kept swirling it around me and "revealing me" in the mirror like a magic trick. I'm not even a little upset, it's fun fucking younger guys.
I must be really high or they really did just bring me a banana split instead of a burger
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
Randomize
