you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
Well there's nothing more unattractive them a naked, soft man crying
Oh good your over him
Our date was amazing and I would like to reward you with a blow job under your desk.
I can pencil you in at 3:30
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
it was also funny because at one point I woke up with my hands tied with a belt and we were both like what the fuck
Guys, as my favorite vagina consultants I have to share something.
My professional advice is not to put lemons in your lady pocket.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
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