he is naked. in. my. bed. happiest day. of my. LIFE.
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Its like "fucckkkkk yooouuuuuu" is echoing up my esophagus
tequila?
yep
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
She called him at 5 AM so that he'd be ready for her birthday breakfast and drinks at 6. This is why people don't need to wait until their 21st to have their first drink.
His cuteness will no longer contol my vagina
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
You keep talking about hotdogs and yelling "COME ON DOWN, LET ME SEE WHAT YOU'RE WEARING"
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
Yeah. Broke it off. Saw her cheating after she forgot to turn her zoom off. Ring=$$$. Not making that mistake-priceless
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