For the record, a bath beer is far superior to a shower beer...
I am sitting on the floor by my oven watching my cookie dough blossom. This is a whole new level of fat
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
You need a sexual gate keeper
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
I love you. Go after that dick
Thanks for the reference. If your boss hires me, I'll buy you a drink.
If my boss hires you, I'm going to need it.
last night someone said that theyd like to do drugs with a dolphin ... judging from the diagram on the wall we figured it out.
all we need now is a dolphin ... and some drugs.
Randomize
