Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
Should I go home with him even though I know my Run DMC undies have skid marks on them?
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
You showed up at my apartment after 3 am wasted with a plate of cookies and tried to hook up.
Sorry about that. Except for the cookies.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
You don't know how emotionally damaged I am from crashing into that park maintenance van. I'll never ride a bike because of it.
My friend just got engaged and I'm setting vibrators on fire.
Your life rocks...
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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