How wet are you?
Ever heard of a U-boat?
I'm playing wingman, but I want to pull a Goose and die.
I think I would be able to remember how to smoke but I can't seem to remember how to breathe.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I have booze and I wanna give you a bj. How can you be mad at me?
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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