Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Forgot that I saved my paper as "Eat Shit Edwards" and e-mailed it because I missed class. I'm sure Prof. Edwards will be delighted when she gets it. I don't anticipate a passing grade.
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
Shit. She's still hooking up with some random in the doorway. How do I get out of here?
Well hurry! Everybody is already at McDonalds.
I'm free! Didnt realize how easy it was to crawl out the window.
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
I'm eating tortillas right now. Like not cooked tortillas. Someone is playing the guitar. Man with bandana.
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
I am at 99 matches in less than 24 hours, I need a tinder rehab program
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She was trying to be sexy well putting on my condom with her mouth when her cat pounced from the corner of the room witch caused her to gasp and inhale the condom
Randomize
