shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I saw those LARP guys in the street again. One is hot, the other looks like Corey Fieldman's retarded son.
Charles is a playa. And I don't mean the spanish word for beach.
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
it glows. i had to have it.
organizing the empties. That sober.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
Okay: Whipped cream, vodka, and a trampoline. This will either be really great, or really tragic.
The guys in the quick check just recognized me as the girl who bought rolling papers and whipped cream. This is the walk of shame on crack.
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
I'm sitting alone in a bar pretending to watch football because I don't know where the liquor store is around here and I'll be god damned I'm going to be sober on my day off.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
Guuuuurrrrrl! He ate the 🌮like it contained the Covid-19 vaccine!
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