My roommate found me crawling down the hallway as she was on her way to her morning class. Its time for a new semester.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just realized I use Twitter to keep of track of when I get drunk.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
Well, I convinced myself I had a sixth toe and then I ripped it off. So I PRAY you're doing better than me.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
I need my comforter. Pls bring it to me and drape me in it like an animal pelt. Ps I'm naked.
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
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