Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
Aparently his snake got loose in the middle of the night. Not a sex joke, he has a fucking snake
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Just got a hand job during Charlie St.cloud I honestly never thought Id thank Zac Efron fir one of his movies but thank you
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
Is he gonna be my crazy ex? Cause we weren't even together for as long as my weeklong bicurious lesbian relationship.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
there’s plenty of nice guys out there with good jobs and NO felonies!
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
Randomize
