i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
Shes from jersey what did you expect her to say when you asked her if she did coke? Its like asking some1 from a third world country if they are hungry
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
Is it a bad that I spent my 5 year anniversary with my husband texting my ex boyfriend?
They usually take it with their boobs. It's like a horizontal motorboat
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
Within the span of 10 minutes, I managed to make a slip 'n slide on his stomach, threatened to pee on him, kneed myself in the eye, and almost fell asleep on the toilet....in that order.
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I can't help but look at my sex life and acknowledge that this is not normal behavior.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Trust me. My dick only does selfies for you.
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
