The only thing I want to hear out of a girl's mouth tonight is, "slurp".
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
Yup. Can I borrow your penis decanter for my Xmas party on Saturday
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
Where does drinking Flat, warm beer from two days ago rank of the No Fucks Given scale?
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
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