I am engaged
To a real live girl that has met me
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
We dared each other to drink Arbor Mist, and I waterboarded someone with tequila.
Hahaha wear something that says i'm here to party but wont go farther then a handjob.
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
So hungover that I might just sit in my car and wait until chipotle opens...in two hours...
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
Randomize
