his electricity got shut off. i felt like a pilgrim searching for his dick.
There's nothing like puking in the airport on the way TO Vegas. Something tells me i pregamed a little too hard.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
I made two strippers play rock paper scissors to see who would give me a lap dance last night
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
I'm hoping he'll tell everyone how great in bed I am. Well, how great in bathroom floor I am.
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I want to get my vag crammed with complete loss of every bit of dignity I have left by this man from every angle on every flat surface that exists. That is all.
I walked in and all four of you were covering your heads under the blanket singing waterslides in unison.
We were walking up the stairs and I asked Dominick what floor the party was on. The cop who had just tried breaking it up was walking down the stairs, drinking a slurpee, and answered, "Third floor."
When I told him he could take naked pics of me, did I really need to specify that he could not email them to my brother's friends for bragging rights?
after giving head I just always feel like I need like. ice cream. as both a means of getting the lingering sperm out of my mouth, and a congratulations.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
Randomize
