I may not go down in history, but i will definitely go down on your little sister.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
please tell me you remember why "7 days" is written above my bed in red marker
5 Four Lokos being cheaper than a case should be illegal.
My main thought on the Olympics: I need LESS cowbell.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
having someone tell me to "prepare my vagina" is not really something I want to hear..
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
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