I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Why are all the lights on in my house? Every single one. Someone should turn them off but I'm the only one here and I'm sure as hell not doin it.
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
is drinking for groundhog day legit?
well you blacked out on MLK day and we pregamed arbor day, so yes
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
what kind of roommate is she really? she wouldn't even hold my hair back.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It's the eve of Christ's birthday and I'm sending pictures of my tits
I'm proud of all of us. Somehow we all survived another Jägerbomb Tuesday
I've turned into a small time drug dealer, now who's the real MVP.
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
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