I'm afraid that if I tell my sister I think Zachary Quinto is gay I'll have to put her on suicide watch for the next week or so
You burnt your salmon and tried to mail it. Post marked to: Starving Kid in Africa
I just found out how hard it is to put together a fake Christmas tree with a hangover.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
Beautiful wedding. Beautiful bride. I got shitfaced. Came home and ate two corndogs. I'm still single.
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
Hey babe! Random question. Do you by chance have the pic of my nipples covered with ninja turtles band aids? Thanks.
I thought my holiday spirit was gone this year until I got banged to Christmas music. It's back.
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Randomize
