ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
I just masturbated to the audio from my psych lecture . . . this screwing my prof fantasy is getting serious.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
It's like all the guys I keep around if I wanna have sex with all got mad at the same time. I guess I'll get out my vibrator again.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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