He told me to pretend to be a shark, and he would slay me with his harpoon cock.
The freshman came home at 9 this morning with one heel, no pants, and a strangers sweatshirt covered in tequila-scented vomit. I think we're done corrupting her for a while.
My #1 goal this summer is to get drunk at olive garden
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
Drinking Patron always ends with me puking or receiving anal. So make your move when I start ordering it.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is 28 too old to get fingered in Centennial Park? Asking for a friend.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Thx for last night. I've never had so much fun while being told my life decisions are questionable at best.
Even though I'm gonna be a felon I'm having fun for time being.
I am real keen for none of this to be taken out of context so let’s just shut it down right now
We made a blanket fort in my dorm room and fucked in it. Twice. I'm in love.
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