Cuntadactyl. (n). A pre-historic dinosaur of Mandy-like features that is primarily identified by it's inability to play well with others and overall C-word demeanor. Physically, an unfortunate appearance.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
i honestly don't know why someone didn't cut me off after i broke the ceiling lamp with MY HEAD
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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