Afterwards she curled up in my dog's bed and slept there all night
How mad was your dog?
Breakfast is bomb, yo. McDonald's before ten thirty is like Katie Holmes before Tom Cruise.
you only had a canadian ten, but you said it was all good cuz you would just by molson.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
He was sitting at the table eating ice and said, "I'm pretty sure everyone in my family has nipples."
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
We smoked a blunt in a stall where a drag queen was fucking a bartender in the ass. So theres gonna be a second date :)
quick, give me some iron man trivia, i'm going to make this girl regret quoting tony stark in her tinder bio
He's got the most well kempt beard I've ever seen and I need it between my thighs is basically what I'm saying
ps why does my dog smell like popcorn and a dryer sheet..?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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