so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
Did you ever notice the eye of Sauron looks like Lindsay Lohan's vagina?
And now that i don't feel so bad because you're not pregnant the $15 for the pregnancy test I bought would be appreciated
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
Randomize
