went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
i dedicated my morning wood to you.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
The best part of that night wasn't even the sex, it was listening to her explain to her boyfriend why she was naked in her room while I hid in her closet.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
just tried to scoop ice cream with a steak knife. now in the emergency room with a the cab diver and the drag queen he picked up on the way. its gonna be a loooong day.
I just want to lay in a bed of egg mcmuffins and cry
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
God... We're terrible. I'm so proud of us.
I know! It makes me feel all warm inside. Or maybe that's just me getting closer to hell.
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