WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
found POGS while I was cleaning my room this morning. Definitely bringing them back to school to turn into a drinking game.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Frats are adorable. They make mediocre guys think they're worth a shit.
...the American dream.
I just bought $54 in Easter crap to try and blend in the pregnancy test... And FYI, it totally worked.
I FOUND THE NORMAL CONDOMS. THIS IS GOD TELLING ME TO CHASE AFTER MY DREAM.
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
u kept repeating to itself "hot cheetos and nacho cheese sauce.."
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
Dude you literally tried to cook your phone in the microwave. You were so wasted you asked your mom to help you turn it on.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
Randomize
