he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
How come ATM is perfectly acceptable, yet not washing your hands after you poo is socially reprehensible?
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
sometimes you have to go after what you want
true. and i really want to cum
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Took me 12 hours to be sober again. Shitshow mission accomplished
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
All the drunken hookups over the last year are self destructing, at least something is keeping nursing school interesting
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
Randomize
