flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
her facebook's as public as her vagina
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
4 am. She strained the mac and cheese onto her legs. She has no skin.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
When I said to give it to me hard and fast, I didn't mean like 15 seconds fast.
He told me I'm a small core of pure evil wrapped up in sweetness, gold, and puppies. He gets me.
That is beautiful
Excuse me while I take my birth control pill for today to prevent getting pregnant from hearing about your sex life
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
HOLY FUCK i just remembered we had bows and arrows and firecrackers last night
and flaming arrows and vodka
how did we not set your garage on fire
She puked in the bed, peed in the closet, and woke up on a Rubbermaid in the closet under the stair case
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
My dad told me that my grandparents are giving me $20,000 and my actual response was "do you know how many kittens I could buy with that?!?"
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