Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
I have to bobbypin his pubes for us to have sex. The other day he wanted me to braid them.
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
I THINK I JUST JOINED A GANG. PLEASE PICK ME UP.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
My mom just came upstairs handed me an Adderall and asked if I could help her wash the ceilings
You win. I am a lesbian who maybe slightly jaded. I didn't mean to throw the knife at you head.
He made me pay for half of dinner. Fucking feminist revolution.
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