I don't care what he thinks. My vagina has an open door policy.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
He was banging holes in the kitchen wall with pots. They tried to pull him away but only managed to pants him. He kept "drumming".
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
It's 1 AM and there's a guy outside my house belting out Bennie and The Jets. He stops in between verses to puke. I'm joining him.
I haven't gotten it in awhile but since spring break is next week I'm willing to have a pregnancy scare if it means no bleeding through the suit
Yeah wouldn't want it to interfere with beach sex. Nothing should interfere with beach sex
Don't underestimate her when she starts going by "the vodka queen"
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
is there a way to say "yea i broke my wrist cause i fell down some stairs while tripping my face off on acid" without actually saying it?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
She kissed me, then said "mmm your face tastes like it needs my pussy on it."
Fuck it. I'm going for it. You're only young once, right?
You've been saying that for 5 years now. Let me know when the novelty wears off.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Did I honestly think it was a good idea to wear my pink robe out in public at 2 in the morning ?
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