We need to get her some penis inspired head protection.
I went golfing for the first time today!! Aren't you proud?
Driving a golf cart around all day with a keg attatched to the back doesn't exactly count as golfing
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
Because once my penis is in motion, it stays in motion unless another force acts upon it.
Sadly he is straight as an arrow that is designed by a robot computer from the future with lasers.
This saddens me. Mostly because I want to see the schematics on that robot.
I got about 15 snapchats from you with your hand saying "you want cheese sticks" or something like that and one of some weird looking weed
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
Randomize
