His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
i was just texting to let you know that my facebook chat is working again so you can talk to me more. please talk to me more.
You need to come get me. I'm pretty sure that gravity's going to crush my brain
When I find myself drinking from a boot I just go with it and refuse to ask why.
One of two things would happen: He'd love it, or you'd get a restraining order.
i just had a pap smear and two shots. lets hit the beach.
Somewhere between the 30 minutes of cunnilingus, the improvised song about the Olympics, and the super thoughtful shower beer... I knew I married the right guy
I don't know. She kept pirouetting across the kitchen while making dinner. I just sat there stoned.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
I made a half way decent playlist
Im gonna call it "hanging myself"
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
Also, apparently I'm only coherent when I'm drunk sexting. And then I'm grammatically perfect and impressively eloquent.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
I hate being the first one to text him all the time...I feel like Iook desperate to get laid when the reality is that im just really horny and he has a/c...
Randomize
