Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Congratulations on your moose knuckle.
Thank you. Really, it was an honor just being nominated.
We agreed to not shave eyebrows when someone is passed out. douchebag.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Im gonna need you to always be ready for drinking or this will never work. grow up peter pan.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's a toss up. They'll either laugh and watch you drunkenly fuck on the beach or they'll throw you deep in Mexican jail.
Well I found my neighbors on tinder if you're wondering how my night went
She took all the bottles out of the shower caddy and replaced them with booze. I just made a shower Manhatten. Imma marry this one.
Ps I took your recycling out, the 9 champagne bottles, vodka bottle, and tequila bottle is how I knew it was yours
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
Randomize
