the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Ya know, I lied. I wouldn't mess with him. Not because of the crazy/rehab issues... but because he wears tank-tops.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
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Before I left he insisted on serenading me with a ukalele. I might be a little bit in love
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
Seriously, I look like I crawled out of a bog. Succeeding at being as undateable as possible.
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No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
Sitting in my car feasting on the spoils of Taco Bell as Donna Lewis croons "I love you, always forever." A more perfect moment will never exist.
Update - might be back in your neighbor's good graces. She liked the framed photo I gave her of me on the tractor with my business out.
This strip club is mediocre. Talent is fine. Fung shui is bad.
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
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