i would never do something against you youre the best i ever had
please tell me you did not just intentionally quote drake..
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
I distinctly remember seeing your nipples from the deck.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
Currently sifting through all the dick pics and nudes for a picture of my dad and I to post on social media for Father's Day...
You put a bag of sliced onions in the microwave then screamed, "voila, onion rings!"
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
Randomize
