Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Turns out vomit takes off spray tan.
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well apparently I'm no fun since I won't have a threesome with him and my mother.
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
We need more drag queens in our life I've decided
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
I look like i have multiple stab wounds in my foot and there are footprints from the elevator to my room. What happened?
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
You literally just told me you're ditching me because of pizza. PIZZA? Wow.
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
Randomize
