i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
Can I chase this vodka with an onion?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
I went to Walmart last night to buy some CDs--which is a sentence I never thought I'd say in 2016.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
And I hope you're not misinterpreting us fucking as me trying to win you back. The sex is good and girls have needs.
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
Randomize
