He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
Hide in the closet. if you hear me yell patato salad come out swinging.
i dont know how he's 22 and thinks emoticons will get him laid. lady boner just died.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Zombie crawl summary: 5 of 6 friends successfully laid. friend 6 too drunk to care and making out with a whale (not a costume)
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
YET AGAIN, my financial planning for 2013 consists MOSTLY of eating chipotle as "brain food" and drinking Heavily before the Jeopardy contestant test.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
Sent him a nude and I forgot to crop out the Jesus picture in the background. The Catholic guilt is too real.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
