This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
remember to ask your mom about the name of her pet duck so we can name the bowl
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
I'm eating cake, naked, in bed. I am GREAT at being single.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Randomize
