Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
I negotiated the purchase of an entire tray of like 50 jello shots for $8.
Just so you're aware, tomorrow is "Slow Clap when you see Mike" day.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
And by "schedule" I meant crumbled up liquor store receipt, that I wrote shit on.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
Like either my tits got bigger or I've succumbed to Trumps tiny hand syndrome
He shit in the fireplace
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
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