I had a disgustingly explicit dream last night involving myself and lil wayne.
And her vagina tasted EXACTLY like a slim jim
Yeah but if I do that, I'd have to buy my own stomach pump for the house. That doesn't seem like a great thing to have sitting on the coffee table.
i deep throated a ruler to see what my limit was...
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
The only word that describes how much hair I shaved off of my ass is "considerable".
I mean I only got hit in the ass with ONE firework
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
You're incredible, and I'm drunk
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
