mustard is like jesus in yellow tights
Megan Fox is the only woman I would let pee on me.
I'm similar. She's the only woman I'd ask to pee on me.
Ok yeah you're right. I'd ASK Megan Fox to pee on me. I'd ALLOW Erin Andrews to pee on me if she asked.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I think I might be drunk enough to cut my own hair
I hooked up with a lesbian tonite. Top 2 valentines experiences of all time.
I just need some dick and some jimmy johns
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Probably won't be invited back there again considering last time his purebred corgi ate my pot brownie and had to be rushed to the hospital.
I just need a fucking pair of pants. Is that too much to ask for?
The economy isn’t reopen until I can get drunk and motorboat fake tits at lunch on a Wednesday
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