I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
I answered the my mom's phone call about what we're doing for father's day while he was still fucking me. She thought I seemed really excited about his hiking boots present.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
Maybe her vagina is like a vacuum
I can't decide if that would be a good or bad thing. I'm leaning toward good
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
He knocked me in the face with the phone during my light show. Didn't even feel it. Ecstasy is amazing
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
My adderall dealer raised his prices due to "impending inflation" ... never buying from a college grad again
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
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