From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
a kid in a transformers shirt tried to pick me up last night at work. he also rolled up on a bicycle, the kind with pedals. do i look that easy?
I think I deserve the nobel peace prize for discovering that one should smoke before drinking instead of drinking before smoking.
woke up rolled in a yoga mat listening to enya. I'm never going back to Oregon ever again.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
what part of what i said meant "bring a bowl"
"bouncy castle"
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I yelled at him as he left "you broke up with me. You lost your blow job privileges"
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
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