I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Yes, it's true. 4 fingers.
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
No no no. When you take one for the team, there are no stipulations or conditions
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
You should make cookies and when I get home we can have a slow motion hug and eat them
I'm offering you baseball tickets and my vagina, isn't that enough?
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
This electrician is just ripping my house apart and I'm too hungover to ask questions
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
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