you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
She made me be the little spoon then she pretended to be a jet pack for an hour straight
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
Will you bring a case of beer down to the hot tub? Me and Phil don't want to feel feelings anymore
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I still can't believe a guy pooped in my backyard
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
She keeps comparing me to her favorite dildo and I don’t know if I’m flattered or creeped out
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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