I called Tyra Banks a whore to her face. A sure sign I should go home. Instead I went to the gay bar.
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
HAH. HARRY POTTER CASUAL CONVO HAS BEEN EXTENDED TO DISCUSSING WEATHER. SO PRO
I'm making you a bingo card for hookups of the school year 2011-12 so you can make even worse life decisions next year
I have officially made out with every girl you've made out with, even the random you met on the Mexico flight
The chick working the drive through at BK on New Years stuck her head out the window and told me there were no line ups for the bathrooms inside so i should go in there. I just kept squatting and peeing and told her it would prob help business.
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
How do you not remember?? She kept putting a dollar on her waistband and insisting it was all you can eat under a dollar
Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
1. I'm excited for tonight 2. Do we dress up as pirates? 3. Happy Valentine's Day bae
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
Congratulations! We have a period
Randomize
