paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
I think we should make Neil Patrick Harris a permanent part of our role playing.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
I'm sensing a Yuletide blow job in your future and by future I mean tomorrow
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
I can't remember the last time I saw a penis in person that I didn't see a million times on text first
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
Ran up to the dollar store to get batteries for my vibrator. Happy Valentines Day!
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
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