Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Say what you want, but those Fraggle Rock DVDs have gotten me laid twice.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
i should probably stop thinking with my vagina, and start using that $70, 000 education i can't afford. what the fuck.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
He just made my one night stand pancakes for breakfast. And I thought living with my ex was going to be weird.
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
Randomize