Ok let's jusst not talk today bc then we'll just do dangerous things but I'll say hello
You smell like a Billy Joel song
i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Doctor said I have sports induced asthma.
Call me old fashioned, but around here we call that "out of shape."
She had her laptop open and there was microsoft word opend and all was written was "no italianoo"
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I told her I wanted to use him as a chew toy while simultaneously licking his face.
Did she tell him? And if so, was he cool with it? If yes, date him, date the fuck outta him.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
Can we table this discussion? The roommate is out of town and I have to eat pie on the couch in my underwear.
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
there's no judgement here...i was recently just fingered in my dorm hallway while having a conversation with 5 people.
Randomize
