He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
When i walked in, you were in bed with a hot chick rolled up in a green blanket and said you were acting like a caterpillar..
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
They told me you were taking cheese cube shots and chasing them with barbecue sauce... Is this true?
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Just found a peacock feather in my car. Should I be the least bit concerned about this?
Well it was tamer than the 4th of july when I blew that guy I met walking home from the fireworks
They put 3 tbs of cinnamon in vodka shots and called it the "cinnamon death challenge"
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
The beer bottle was sticking out of your zipper and you shook it onto unsuspecting patrons
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
Randomize
