i just stumbled downstairs, still drunk, to hug my dad and wish him a happy fathers day
but fathers day is next sunday
i realized that after i threw up on his bare feet
At Wal-Mart last night I watched two guys scramble for $4.34 to pay for a pack of ping pong balls and red solo cups. They had to put the .34 on a credit card. Winter break begins!
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
Dude, I had no choice. I was defending my genitals.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Jesus Christ. If I were a normal sex-having person, I'd think I was knocked up. I'm cycling through emotions like I'm in a decathlon to crazy.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
Can't beat it when the local bar sends you off with a loaf of bread on the way out the door.
Im crying watching 9/11 footage eating spray can cheese in my pajamas.
He’s like an awkward walking penis that has a personality attached
I love how we can bond over the fact that we're the only ones who think the guy I drunk hooked up with looks like Voldemort
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