i permit you to call me
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
So all semester this guy and girl have been talking, and today is the last class and we are doing nothing. I would have skipped but I want to see if he seals the deal or pusses out. It's like a season finale.
You just projectile vomited on my dad across the table at waffle house.
Do you think he can smell the vodka?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
she's just sitting here eating cilantro out of my herb garden and watching some show about ducks on tv and laughing, what the fuck did you give her?
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
I'm at that point in my life where stripping isn't the worst thing I would do for money
Dicks are not precious.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
