Could you explain why there is an Australian passport in your toilet?
just leaving uw hospital. they thought i had franzia-induced appendicitis. whaaaaat
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
Trying to ignore the fact that a kid I hooked up with twice just gave me spare keys to his house ... and car.
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
He added me on LinkedIn while I was baking weed brownies in the boxers he left here... Is this adulthood?
A party without a piñata is not a party I want to attend.
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
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