Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
He was respectful of both me and my One Direction calendar.
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
It was a successful conference for my sales and my sex life. Those are probably related
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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