Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
i feel like arbor mist is too classy for that. you need a colt 45
Yeah you're right. The one time when arbor mist is too classy
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Hope your thanksgiving is a complete blowjob festival.
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
Seriously I can't get a booty call for some baked goods.
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I just want to nap all the time and eat Chinese food.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Woke up at 8am and asked if she had coffee.... She handed me a shot of tequila...
Randomize
