a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
I have come to the conclusion that if you don't fulfill your life ambitions you should go into porn
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I just rolled over in bed and felt a bump. Turns out it was a lil nug. Talk about being princess and the weed.
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Plus who wants to live somewhere tom jerked off? No one.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Grandma had me open the boxes that were delivered today. She got a sex swing, I've settled on "You go girl" as my official reaction.
Randomize
