I hate all girls vehemently.
Is showing up wearing the condom a bit presumptus
dude,it's memorial day.not getting wasted=you're a terrorist
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
Our local strip club now has karaoke. Do you realize what this could mean for my sex life?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
Celebrating anything "Eve" is never a good choice! I feel like my soul's been put in a blender on the "destroy" setting- in other news: Happy 4th of July
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
