Facebook lets you pick usernames now. You'd better log on and get yours before homewreckingwhore is taken...
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
My biology professor just used the phrase "dick fairy" in a sentence. No, it didn't make more sense in context.
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
You were out of control then you fell asleep on his lap for 30 min and woke up civil. Way to powernap to sobriety!
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
I love Texas men! TSA agent found my vibrator, nodded approvingly, and said, “You have a nice night, ma’am” with a cowboy accent. I almost made out with him on the spot
Shame is for Republicans.
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