She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
Situation: He got it in my eye, how long do I let it sting before should start to worry?
Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
if you hear someone banging on your door early in the morning, it's me with some breakfast burritos, so don't be alarmed
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
I spent $31 at mcdonalds last night. Threw my nuggets all over the yard, ate them out of the snow, picked a fight about it, vomited, then passed out.
Naked.
Next time I take edibles I'm getting chipotle to cater the event
Did I try to sell your body for chicken tenders last night?
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
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