i think im having one of those erections lasting four or more hours
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Guys, I'm sleeping in the BOYNTON LAUNDRY ROOM. if you can, come let me out in the morning as I have no keys. I might be in the study room possibly. DON'T FORGET. I will be trapped
I told him we couldn't hang out because I had strep, he said he's had it once so he couldn't get it again. The sex isn't worth this level of stupidity
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
Just remembered seeing jalepenos in my vomit last night. Reminded me to thank you for sharing your queso with me. You're a good friend.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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