Dude. I just woke up without a shirt or bra on. Apparently I fell asleep with a quesadilla in my mouth. I can feel my liver hating me.
Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Weekdays seemed more exciting when I had a drinking problem. Like I had something to look forward to at night.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Someone got day drunk, but I'm not saying who.
It was me.
You kept trying to use my cat as a napkin.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
He said we would have a beautiful daughter together. That way too much for a one night stand...
No sorry. I may be a happy drunk but my gag reflux is an angry drunk.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Please come pick up your twin. She's tap dancing in her underwear and that's not how you want yourself represented.
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