I think it's safe to say that I made out with the entire msu campus this weekend
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Haha he acted like he's never seen a tampon catapolt across the hall before
I sat on his lap and we shared a beer. I feel like that's an invitation to his dick.
We had sex and then he fed me pie. This is the best friends-with-benefits situation ever.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Sorry, fell into some ass. Call you tomorrow.
Just caught myself checking an online porn site while in a strip club. Might have a problem.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
I feel like people expect me to always be a sarcastic, shade throwing drunk. And you know me, I hate to disappoint.
The drive thru lady at McDonald's asked how I was and I responded by opening the car door and throwing up all over the drive thru lane. Happy Sunday.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
