Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
He sent me a video of himself jacking off. I am not kidding.
WTF??? Isn't he married??
Yeah but his wife is at a birthday party and I guess he's bored. LOL
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Im down. Even tho your nick name intimidates my vagina.
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
I cut myself stripping on your car. Probably a profession I shouldn't pursue
Never in my life did I dream that I would meet and NFL linesman, let alone that he would be standing before me dressed as a Roman centurion and asking for Vaseline.
i turned around and there he was, right in my face. i was mid deep throat of a hot dog that i was eating with my hands and no bun. you win FSU, you win.
how come you came home with "Amanda owns this" written on your forhead
Randomize
