"you've got the devil in yuh. the curse of Jesus is coming on your sex soon." That's what a homeless guy just told me.
here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
My brother and I both agreed that your boobs are fake.
At least my shower head will respect me in the morning.
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
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This is sufficient.
He told me he was a psychology major, and I responded by asking him where he hid his vagina.
We just made a drinking game out of our chemistry review. This might explain my chemistry grade.
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
just woke up and currently drinking copious amounts of eggnog straight from the carton to replenish the electrolytes lost last night
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Partying with my eighth grade history teacher I know you're jealous
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Randomize
