Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
My boss' voice literally gives me gas
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
Eating in charleston sc at a seafood place called "hymans". Like normal I had no problem finding it.
we found you eating frozen orange juice with a spoon and then drinking vodka from the bottle.
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
I'm dying of laughter, but I'm also just dying
Send help
She fucked a bartender in a closed Applebee’s and has the nerve to call me easy
Randomize
