somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
she just threw a smoke bomb in an elevator and ran down 9 flights of stairs to see it at the bottom.
He invited you over for Super Sexy Saturday and Cosmos... I'm pretty sure that's gay
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
She has puke in her hair, is missing a shoe and is now crying. People trust her to be their child's teacher
I know you think I'm being paranoid, but can you please make sure Danny doesn't rub my wedding invitation on his balls?
we convincced her parents we were only wasted meanwhile theire faces were morphing into one and i swear there was a reindeer in the background
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
Wanna smoke some ancient weed I just found in a box of cake mix?
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
We joked about how funny it would be if he got pulled over with 300 breakfast burritos in hus car. We walk outside of the school just as the police lights turn on and pull him over
Halfway through the night I was hiding in a trashcan. Then I "sobered" up and ran around the house throwing change because I wanted to make my last moments of 2013 charitable.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
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