yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
I just realized that this morning is the first morning i've put on underwear in a week.
I love summer.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
for future reference: anal bleach BEFORE boozing
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
I heard that clinking noise from behind me and I already knew you were whipping out a Smirnoff in class. Again.
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Question. Was fucking Laura an entirely regrettable decision?
like...quickly.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
I screamed "You look like a guy I've fucked!" to your brother at a party... I have some explaining to do.
Randomize
