I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
9 of the 12 girls i had sex with in college are on facebook
it was an ugly road back then. i'm sure time hasn't been friendly.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
I yelled out look at all those hickeys. And then gave her boyfriend a high five
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
You didnt text me.. I'm on your street with golf clubs
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
