And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
i just found a cheeto on my floor and ate it. i might still be drunk.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
His wife found out about our affair the same day he got fired for it.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
googling pictures of Lindsey Lohan so that I know what to wear to court is definitely a low point in my life
Every man needs a table where they can sit and reflect on the successful penile conquests of the day.
I'm surprised, it's been so long you must be starving
At a certain point, the zombie-like hunger goes away. Then the sadness sets in. Then you start lying to yourself that you're taking some "me time." Then you remember you dodged chlamydia and Buddha knows what else. Then you're at peace with it.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
It's not your birthday unless mom picks you up at the bar
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
I cuddled with a man named Pickles
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
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