Can Purell be used as lube?
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
You sucked the drug dealers dick for a 20 of coke...?
Nooo, I payed for that. I sucked his dick because I had an urge.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I can't believe you guys got into a sword fight over a chicken nugget
Oh, so that's where all the scratches came from...
Help I can't tell if I'm sexually attracted to Bill Nye
Oh.
You came to the right person.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
