I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
So apparently last night I was running around columbus circle station screaming that Obama was a pussy and that "waterboarding should always be an option" lol
do you think women who transgender themselves have the option of getting a circumcised or an uncircumcised dick?
Just walked past a girl wearing nothing but flip flops and an oversized sweatshirt crying by the front gates eating pizza. i just found your soulmate.
Dude, I found another chunk missing out of my tooth. Fuck drinking on tuesdays.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
get back quick. that 17 year old who peed on your car wants to do shots.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
I don't remember what you were saying to me in the bathroom. But whatever it was, yes, because i remember nodding a lot.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
he said "be careful" then handed me a cheezit...
I woke up on my girls floor with a pound of muenster cheese in my shirt pocket
If sending nudes to tinder boy is considered functional then yes.
Randomize
