Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Casually brushing the Bacardi out of my hair. It's a good time to ponder regretting everything that happened last night.
Seriously, I want to give you a plaque thanking you for your dedicated service to my vagina.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
it's the international house of making me almost fucking shit myself
Haha I wasn't coming anyway. I'm watching Snow White and don't want to put pants back on. Those are completely unrelated. Have a good night.
just so it's not awkward when you get here, you and my dog have the same name.
Hahaha nice
Bold words for someone NOT on a unicycle
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
They picked up the lamp, held it aloft, and proclaimed apropos of nothing “this is going right up my ass”. LOUDLY
Randomize
