i just remebered what i did last night, i asked a homeless man on a bike "hey whatcha doin with that bike, wanna make 5 bucks?" he agreed and then rode me on his handle bars a block away to the next bar.
Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
you will always have a special place in my vag
and now her best friend is massaging my table under the leg. this may not end well.
I awoke this morning to a naked boyfriend flying a remote controlled shark around his apartment. This is my life.
After i black out, be a good friend and point me to the direction of a girl with daddy issues, any girl would do just fine
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
Bring fortys. we have the duct tape. its onnn mothafuckaaaa
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
You ruined me. I can't stop referring to everything outside as the "no-walls" ever since you showed me that video while I was tripping balls. My speech may be permanently altered for the rest of earth spins
I'm drunk and I have your birth certificate
I'm tempted to randomly yell out 'SO HOW IS YOUR UNDERAGE GIRLFRIEND' but that would be callous
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
So high I legit spent 20mins in the shower just holding my tits cuz they feel bigger than normal.
Randomize
